LA_MERC_FragFood
November 14th, 2007, 04:31 PM
For those of you old enough to remember the "real" Hollywood Squares (back when it was actually funny), here are some of the favorites lines as remembered by the host, Peter Marshall:
PETER MARSHALL'S LIST OF FAVORITE ANSWERS FROM
"HOLLYWOOD SQUARES"
1. According to Movie Life magazine, Ann Margaret
would like to start having babies, soon, but her
husband wants her to wait awhile. Why?
PAUL LYNDE: He's out of town.
2. What are "dual-purpose cattle" good for that
other cattle aren't?
PAUL LYNDE: They give milk...and cookies, but I
don't recommend the cookies.
3. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time,
your wife or your elephant?
PAUL LYNDE: Who told you about my elephant?
4. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible
for its sex?
CHARLEY WEAVER: I'll lend him the car.
The rest is up to him.
5. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he
firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on
at least two occasions. What are they?
CHARLEY WEAVER: His feet.
6. Before a cow will give you any milk, she has
to have something very important. What?
PAUL LYNDE: An engagement ring.
7. According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has
ruined more actors than drinking. What?
CHARLEY WEAVER: Not drinking.
8. True or false: Some African Watusi tribesmen
greet guests by running toward them at full speed,
then high-jumping over them.
CHARLEY WEAVER: This is sometimes terribly
embarrassing to tall guests.
9. You're on your first visit to Japan, and you
head right for the Kabuki. Why?
PAUL LYNDE: It was a long plane ride.
10. If you're going to make a parachute jump, you
should be at least how high?
CHARLEY WEAVER: Three days of steady
drinking should do it.
11. Do female frogs croak?
PAUL LYNDE: If you hold their little
heads under water.
12. You've been having trouble going to sleep.
Are you probably a man or a woman?
DON KNOTTS: That's what's been keeping
me awake.
13. True or false: Many people sleep better in
their street clothes than they do in their pajamas.
PAUL LYNDE: Yes. We call them winos.
14. According to psychologists, when a child begins to
get curious about sex, what is the one question he
will most ask his mommy and daddy?
PAUL LYNDE: Where can I get some?
15. Your baby has a certain object which he loves
to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?
JOAN RIVERS: Yes. It's daddy's turn.
16. Question: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?
PAUL LYNDE: Naked and screaming like the
rest of us.
:thanks4
Um, that was there, had to use it.
PETER MARSHALL'S LIST OF FAVORITE ANSWERS FROM
"HOLLYWOOD SQUARES"
1. According to Movie Life magazine, Ann Margaret
would like to start having babies, soon, but her
husband wants her to wait awhile. Why?
PAUL LYNDE: He's out of town.
2. What are "dual-purpose cattle" good for that
other cattle aren't?
PAUL LYNDE: They give milk...and cookies, but I
don't recommend the cookies.
3. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time,
your wife or your elephant?
PAUL LYNDE: Who told you about my elephant?
4. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible
for its sex?
CHARLEY WEAVER: I'll lend him the car.
The rest is up to him.
5. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he
firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on
at least two occasions. What are they?
CHARLEY WEAVER: His feet.
6. Before a cow will give you any milk, she has
to have something very important. What?
PAUL LYNDE: An engagement ring.
7. According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has
ruined more actors than drinking. What?
CHARLEY WEAVER: Not drinking.
8. True or false: Some African Watusi tribesmen
greet guests by running toward them at full speed,
then high-jumping over them.
CHARLEY WEAVER: This is sometimes terribly
embarrassing to tall guests.
9. You're on your first visit to Japan, and you
head right for the Kabuki. Why?
PAUL LYNDE: It was a long plane ride.
10. If you're going to make a parachute jump, you
should be at least how high?
CHARLEY WEAVER: Three days of steady
drinking should do it.
11. Do female frogs croak?
PAUL LYNDE: If you hold their little
heads under water.
12. You've been having trouble going to sleep.
Are you probably a man or a woman?
DON KNOTTS: That's what's been keeping
me awake.
13. True or false: Many people sleep better in
their street clothes than they do in their pajamas.
PAUL LYNDE: Yes. We call them winos.
14. According to psychologists, when a child begins to
get curious about sex, what is the one question he
will most ask his mommy and daddy?
PAUL LYNDE: Where can I get some?
15. Your baby has a certain object which he loves
to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?
JOAN RIVERS: Yes. It's daddy's turn.
16. Question: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?
PAUL LYNDE: Naked and screaming like the
rest of us.
:thanks4
Um, that was there, had to use it.