LA_MERC_Wetzny
January 17th, 2007, 05:37 AM
So there we are last night at Battlefield Saint Louis. The map rotates to Wake Island and we start on PLA. Target quickly releases a devastating aerial assault with the ALL POWERFUL J-10 scoring a 56-2 KD ratio. Meanwhile Andyconda and I are having visions of “PWNAGE on the Beach: Chapter 10” but alas it was not to be this night for Conda and his gunner. After whiffing the Cobra with his first missile Wetzny opened the door for the Cobra gunner and he was oh so grateful to step right in with not one but four straight TV missile kills to our chopper. The obscenities were FLYING! It was even suggested a HAXOR may be afoot! Needless to say even the valiant effort by Target was not enough to push us to victory.
But redemption she was at hand, my brothers!
On the map switch we employ the tried and true squad leader-in-the-F35-to-airfield maneuver to perfection. One problem no others spawned there! More obscenities! Again and again we employed our maneuver, turning the flag only to have it recaptured by the vile PLA. Target orders Wetzny to “Command AND fight or just FIGHT!” further and further we fell behind in tickets, first 50, then 75, then 100 tickets behind! Just as certain defeat loomed before us like the ugly sister of your Senior Prom date, a curious voice from the past was heard on TS…. “Where are you NOOBS?” was the salutation, yes it was Diesel! He quickly joined the fray, we capped the flag at the Airfield, destroyed the commanders assets and rallied the rest of our team with various hair-raising threats, “Hey you FUKCTARDS SPAWN AT THE AIRFIELD, DOUCHE BAGS!”
Oh brothers the tide had turned! Slowly we fought off wave after wave of J10’S, car bomb after car bomb, tank followed by tank. We took turns destroying assets and artillery. As we stormed the Beach, it was furious hand to hand combat! Where it took not one, not two, but three knife kills by TARGET to cap the flag! With Diesel and Andyconda now each manning a tank, Target providing air-support, Wetzny could resume directing this attempted comeback as commander.
Soon we had our quarry boxed at the North Village, Conda and Diesel applying the armor, Target deploying the ordnance and Wetzny the artillery. Slowly we ate into the PLA lead, reducing it ticket by ticket as they fled our barrage of armor and artillery. At some point the enemy fought for and briefly capped the South Village, and threatened the Beach, but it was a futile effort and they were dispatched with extreme prejudice!
Again we caged our quarry at the North Village, and our adversary turned on their commander! We could see their calls for “Do something!” and “You Suck, homo!” When they had finished eating their own, and faced with a never ending barrage of bombs, armor, and artillery the chants of “you suck LAMERC!” and “Air *****s!” could be heard. And as the final 20 tickets slowly, excruciatingly slowly ticked away from the despised PLA we mockingly laughed and savored a well deserved triumph, applying more artillery, bombs and tank shells!
As the leaderboard showed Target with Gold, Wetzny with Silver, and Conda with Bronze (and a top 5 performance for Diesel) you can again rest easy my brothers that your LA_MERC tag was once again respected by our allies and feared by our enemies!
But redemption she was at hand, my brothers!
On the map switch we employ the tried and true squad leader-in-the-F35-to-airfield maneuver to perfection. One problem no others spawned there! More obscenities! Again and again we employed our maneuver, turning the flag only to have it recaptured by the vile PLA. Target orders Wetzny to “Command AND fight or just FIGHT!” further and further we fell behind in tickets, first 50, then 75, then 100 tickets behind! Just as certain defeat loomed before us like the ugly sister of your Senior Prom date, a curious voice from the past was heard on TS…. “Where are you NOOBS?” was the salutation, yes it was Diesel! He quickly joined the fray, we capped the flag at the Airfield, destroyed the commanders assets and rallied the rest of our team with various hair-raising threats, “Hey you FUKCTARDS SPAWN AT THE AIRFIELD, DOUCHE BAGS!”
Oh brothers the tide had turned! Slowly we fought off wave after wave of J10’S, car bomb after car bomb, tank followed by tank. We took turns destroying assets and artillery. As we stormed the Beach, it was furious hand to hand combat! Where it took not one, not two, but three knife kills by TARGET to cap the flag! With Diesel and Andyconda now each manning a tank, Target providing air-support, Wetzny could resume directing this attempted comeback as commander.
Soon we had our quarry boxed at the North Village, Conda and Diesel applying the armor, Target deploying the ordnance and Wetzny the artillery. Slowly we ate into the PLA lead, reducing it ticket by ticket as they fled our barrage of armor and artillery. At some point the enemy fought for and briefly capped the South Village, and threatened the Beach, but it was a futile effort and they were dispatched with extreme prejudice!
Again we caged our quarry at the North Village, and our adversary turned on their commander! We could see their calls for “Do something!” and “You Suck, homo!” When they had finished eating their own, and faced with a never ending barrage of bombs, armor, and artillery the chants of “you suck LAMERC!” and “Air *****s!” could be heard. And as the final 20 tickets slowly, excruciatingly slowly ticked away from the despised PLA we mockingly laughed and savored a well deserved triumph, applying more artillery, bombs and tank shells!
As the leaderboard showed Target with Gold, Wetzny with Silver, and Conda with Bronze (and a top 5 performance for Diesel) you can again rest easy my brothers that your LA_MERC tag was once again respected by our allies and feared by our enemies!