joke

[LA_MERC_sexy_dragon]

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they
Aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his
First witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've
Known you since you were a young boy, and frankly,
You've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat
On your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them
Behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you
Haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything
More than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
Across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
Attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since
He was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking
Problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his
Law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention
He cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them
Was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both
Counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice,
Said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll
Send you to the electric chair."

[LA_MERC_sexy_dragon]

The United Way realized that it had never received a
donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a
United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his
lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by
saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual
income is over two million dollars, you don't give a
penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something
back to your community through the United Way ?"
The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your
research also show you that my mother is dying after a
long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that
are far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh... no, I
didn't know that."

"Secondly," says the lawyer, "my brother, a disabled
veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is
unable to >> support his wife and six children."

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology,
but is cut off again.

"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my
sister's husband died in dreadful car accident, leaving
her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of
whom is disabled and other that has learning disabilities
requiring an array of private tutors?"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says,
"I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

And the lawyer says, "So...if I didn't give any money to
them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?"

[LA_MERC_sexy_dragon]

A professor at Auburn University was giving a
lecture on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asked, "How many
people here believe in
ghosts?"

About 90 students raised their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who
believe in ghosts, do
any of you think you've seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raised their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this
seriously. Has anyone
here ever talked to a ghost?"

15 students raised their hands.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?".

3 students raised their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one more
question ... Have any of you
ever made love to a ghost?"

Billy Bob, way in the back raised his hand.

The professor took off his glasses, peers toward the
back of the room and
says, "Son, in all the years I've been teaching this
class, no one has
claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to
come up here and tell us
about your experience."

The redneck student replied with a nod and a grin,
and made his way to the
podium. As he reached the front of the room, the
professor said, "Well, now,
tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Billy Bob replied, "Shhhiiiiiittt! From way back
thar I thought you said
goats!"

[LA_MERC_sexy_dragon]

TOP TEN LIST WHY A MAN MIGHT PREFER A GUN OVER A WOMAN !!!!!




#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on
the road.

#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let
you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a
backup.

#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3. A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....

#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN

[LA_MERC_sexy_dragon]

Harry and his wife were driving in the country when he saw a sign
that said, "Cow For Sale...$5,000"

He pulled in and said to the farmer, "There's no cow in the world
worth five thousand dollars."

The farmer said, "Oh, yeah? Take a look at this!"

He lifted the cow's tail, and Harry saw that the cow had a snatch
just like a woman.

Harry got back in the car, turned to his wife, and began to cry,
"It's just not fair. Here's this farmer with a cow that has a
snatch like a woman and it's worth $5,000. And here I am, with
you, with a snatch like a cow, and you ain't worth ****!"

[LA_MERC_Diesel]

LOL
:laugh:

[Chi_Townz]

go Dragon, Go Dragon

Its your birthday, its your birthday...