Chuck Norris Facts

[Biggs]

-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

-Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.

-As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

[LA_MERC_Andyconda]

Damn, look slike Chuck stole my lines. That Bastage!

[Texas_Lawdog]

chuck is a bad man

[Silent_Killer]

ha that was hillarious.

[LA_MERC_Onji]

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

[LA_MERC_BS]

Chuck needs to go sit down somewhere and comb his beard. Steven Sigal is the man. Chuck is like someones old ass uncle trying to relive the glory days. Besides Super Foot Bill Wallace was the man back in those days. Bill whooped chuck a few times. I'll have to look up the numbers on those two tomorrow, but I believe Super Foot has more wins.

[LA_MERC_T4rg3T]

It is a little known fact that Hurricane Katrina was actually a category 9 hurricane at one point. Chuck Norris was airdropped into the eye and, you guessed it, a roundhouse kick dropped her 5 points down the scale.
In 2028 Chuck Norris will not be killed by old age. Chuck Norris will kill old age.
Chuck Norris never physically touches people. He simply tells them to be hurt, and they are.
In Counter Strike, Chuck Norris runs faster with the Machine Gun than you run with the knife.

[LA_MERC_th33_r00k]

In Counter Strike, Chuck Norris runs faster with the Machine Gun than you run with the knife.

Funny thing is, I think I killed Chuck Norris on our server a few times a month or so ago. He may be fast, but not accurate. I think they should do a UFC show with Chuck, Segal, Van Damme, Caradine, Jet Li, Jackie Chan, Arnold, blah, blah, blah.

I will hit Chuck wit his own excercise machine, cause I am not the Juggernaut biotch!.

[LA_MERC_Onji]

... I think they should do a UFC show with Chuck, Segal, Van Damme, Caradine, Jet Li, Jackie Chan, Arnold, blah, blah, blah.


http://www.ultimateshowdown.org/ :)

[LA_MERC_th33_r00k]

lol

[Biggs]

-Who would win in a fight, Van Dam or Steve Seagal. Neither, CHuck Norris!

-Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow beneath his gun.

[Biggs]

When Chuck Norris dives into the ocean for a swim, Chuck doesnt get wet, the ocean gets Chuck Norrised.

[LA_MERC_Cowboy_From_Hell]

I hate you all. Chuck Norris is a DISEASE in World of Warcraft. I come here to escape the pestilence and I see this...all of you go kills yourselves.

[LA_MERC_Andyconda]

Chuck Norris is a Disease. That's almost as bad as Lou Garrett dieing from Lou Garretts disease. How did he not see that one coming.

[Biggs]

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

[LA_MERC_Cowboy_From_Hell]

http://www.lamerc.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=175506#post175506

[LA_MERC_th33_r00k]

CFH is da man....PWN'D Chuck's arse......

[LA_MERC_Dirge]

I always believed Charles Bronson would pwn Chuck...

[eNdOfBeGinNinG]

I told myself i'd never do this.. but saw this one on WoW..

They tried to make Chuck Norris toilet paper, it failed because it wouldn't take sh*t from anyone..


i'm done..

[LA_MERC_Diesel]

hahahaha lol

[Biggs]

CFH is da man....PWN'D Chuck's arse......

what are you talking about?.......chuck norris can not be pwned......chuck norris is pwnage.


-Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

-The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.


-"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.


-In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.

-Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.

[LA_MERC_th33_r00k]

You know how I know Chuck Norris is gay?

- He is 5'6" thinking he is 6'3".
- He once drove a blazer that had a super charger activated by a button.
- The chinese looking girl would wo0p Walker's arse.
- "Sidekicks" need I say more
- He was MIA twice - loser
- He wears slacks with boots
- He had to sabotage Bruce Lee before Lee pwned his arse.
- He couldn't beat a group of Brownies at kickball without it being choreographed poorly.
- Is that a mullet?
- "FireWalker" need I say more.

[LA_MERC_th33_r00k]

David Carradine, using his "l33t" Shaolin skills, can kill Chuck Norris with his mind, then separate Chuck Norris from his body to kick his ghost's ass.

Jesus willfully crucified himself because he had insider information that Chuck Norris was going to be around in the future. Jesus did this not in fear of Chuck Norris himself, but in fear of Chuck Norris' acting.

[Biggs]

You know how I know Chuck Norris is gay?

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.


- He once drove a blazer that had a super charger activated by a button.

People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.


- He was MIA twice - loser

Chuck Norris starred in the moives MIA. Contrary to popular belief they are not movies, They are actually real life images of Chuck's days in 'Nam.

- He wears slacks with boots


- He had to sabotage Bruce Lee before Lee pwned his arse.

A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.




- - He couldn't beat a group of Brownies at kickball without it being choreographed poorly.

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

[LA_MERC_th33_r00k]

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women."

I still think that constitutes gay. It just may be me though.:)

[LA_MERC_M@lACHi]

Here ya go!

[LA_MERC_Dirge]

hell he injured 'em!