LA_MERC_Drifter
July 12th, 2005, 02:36 PM
1 - A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow
a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very
small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a
human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
2 - A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's
work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked
what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl
replied, "They will in a minute."
3 - A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy
Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
"Thou shall not kill."
4 - One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the
dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several
strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of
your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and
make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then
said, "Then why are ALL of grandma's hairs white?"
5 - The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown
up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a
doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher, she's dead."
6 - A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying
to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my
head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the
face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary
position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
7 - The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The
nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table
was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the
apples.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow
a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very
small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a
human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
2 - A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's
work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked
what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl
replied, "They will in a minute."
3 - A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy
Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
"Thou shall not kill."
4 - One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the
dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several
strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of
your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and
make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then
said, "Then why are ALL of grandma's hairs white?"
5 - The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown
up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a
doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher, she's dead."
6 - A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying
to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my
head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the
face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary
position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
7 - The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The
nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table
was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the
apples.