A couple good police jokes

[LA_MERC_Temp]

1. An Erie, PA policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem. A twelve year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)

2. A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the Pennsylvania State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball". He replied, "Pennsylvania State Troopers don't have balls". There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.

[LA_MERC_M@lACHi]

#2 LMAO! HAHAHAHA. /me jots that down to use

[LA_MERC_Sabre]

lmao....I should have use that one on thursday....74 in a 50 = 180 bucks...doh!

[LA_MERC_goose]

#2 = good one!
Sabre, you and I must be in the same boat, mine wasn't last week but my last one was a 76 in a 55 - rounded the corner on a country road at 2 in the morning and there he was. I wish those kids had been awake and had their little signs that night.

[LA_MERC_Cowboy_From_Hell]

#2 has been around forever. The version I know is with the CHP.

You guys and speeding...

Be glad it isnt here. Its $10 for each MPH over the limit + DMV fees + whatever you jump in your insurance is. :eek:

[LA_MERC_Drax]

LMAO at #2!!

I got a 80 in a 50 before, but....SOMEHOW...it didn't land on my record ;)

[LA_MERC_Cowboy_From_Hell]

I got pulled over doing 100 and change. I knew I was pretty much bought and paid for at that point. Thank goodness for the misdemeanor credit card (police ID). The CHP sgt just asked me if I knew how fast I was going....my answer, "Bout a hundred." He handed me back my info and told me to slow down. :)

[LA_MERC_BS]

The last couple of times I was about to be pulled over I was on my bike. It's amazing how fast things will run through your mind while the patrol car is in the median spinning dirt all over the place trying to turn around on you. You start weighing out things like

1.) I was doing well over 150 heading north, he was doing probably 60. by the time he gets out of the median I'll be 3 or 4 miles up the road at my present speed, but I can get the thing up to 190, so that will put me even farther up the road.
2.) I'm also up in the county woods where theres only a few deputies in this area.
3.) I can easily pull the trigger on this thing for about 10 miles, then cut right and head into Alabama and hang out for a few hours at a coffee shop till shift change.
4.) Theres only like 200 blue and white Suzuki's in town.
5.) That guy is gonna be pissed when he gets out of the car and that spells ticket for me.

[LA_MERC_Drifter]

now I am wondering how long did you stay at that coffee shop waiting on the shift change!?!?!?!?!?! lol

[LA_MERC_BS]

lol ............. guilty

[Merdawk]

Wow lol, good jokes. 2nd one..ahaha

[npor]

Red Porsche

A Texas Ranger pulled over a red Porsche (inhabited by a Yankee) after it
had run a stop sign. He walked up to the car door and said, "Sir, May I see
your driver's license and registration please?"

The Yankee said, "What's the problem, officer?"

"You just ran the stop sign back there at the last intersection."

"Oh, come on pal, there wasn't a car within miles of me!"

"Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both
ways, and proceed with caution."

"You gotta be kidding me!"

"It's no joke, sir."

"Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty
miles, and proceeded with caution."

"That's beside the point, sir. You are supposed to come to a complete stop,
and you didn't. Now if I may see your license and..."

"You've got a lot of time on your hands, PAL! What's the matter, all the
doughnut shops closed?"

"Sir, I'll overlook that last comment. Let me see your license and
registration immediately!"

"I will, if you can tell me the difference between slowing down, and coming
to a complete stop."

The elderly Ranger had enough and said to the driver, "Sir, I can do better
than that." He opened the car door, dragged the obnoxious motorist out, and
proceeded to methodically beat him over the head with his nightstick. "Now
sir, would you like me to slow down or come to a complete stop?"

Teaching by example is not a lost art in Texas..........

[LA_MERC_MadMAX]

Well, I've only been stopped once - it was on Francis Marion Road here in Florence County, SC. I was going (according to the state trooper) 77 in a 45 and I was in my Uncle's truck and couldn't find the registration. I dunno if he was in a hurry or what but he let me go w/ a warning and I was shaking like a leaf when he left, because I KNEW I was speeding, and I saw what looked like a Crown Vic. pass me, hit brakes and turn around, so I HIT IT! BIG TIME. I was trying to get to the college before he caught up w/ me, (dumbass idea), but anyway - he was really nice when he caught me, and I'm just glad he was in a good mood!

That was 2 year's ago, and I haven't (honestly) been over the speed limit since!!!

[LA_MERC_CS Widow]

I got pulled over doing 100 and change. I knew I was pretty much bought and paid for at that point. Thank goodness for the misdemeanor credit card (police ID). The CHP sgt just asked me if I knew how fast I was going....my answer, "Bout a hundred." He handed me back my info and told me to slow down. :)
Coming home from Tahoe, right? We passed a Harley about 5 minutes before we got pulled over. As CFH chatted with the officer, the guy rode by soluting us with only one finger...lol Well, Harleys SUCK anyway

[LA_MERC_BS]

']Well, Harleys SUCK anyway

Uh Oh lol, I bet Drifter will be responding to this one soon lol.

Hey Widow, you know that 95% of all Harley's ever made are still on the road today ............. The other 5% made it home. hehehe

[LA_MERC_CS Widow]

']Hey Widow, you know that 95% of all Harley's ever made are still on the road today ............. The other 5% made it home. hehehe
LOL...Exactly!!!

[LA_MERC_Diesel]

ha ha...Drifter..defend your pride and joy..:p;

[Silent_Killer]

one thing to never ever say to a police officer:


if a cop pulls u over and says " ur eyes are red, have u been drinking?"

u shouldn't reply " ur eyes look glazed, have u been eating doughnuts?"

[LA_MERC_MadMAX]

Who says the police don't have a sense of humor? The following were
taken from police car video/audio tracks in Chicago, San Francisco &
Los Angeles.

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
out after you wear them awhile."

Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't
know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can
write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O. K., I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go
to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now
we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of
yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

And finally, my favorite.........

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't. Please sign here.

[LA_MERC_BS]

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

.


Friday the dispatcher sent a complaint call to my office phone.There was a 13 year old kid on the phone wanting to make a complaint against the SHIFT CAPTAIN . The kid wanted the Captain dissiplined for telling the 13 year old to shut up while the Captain was talking to him. I thought to myself, lololol my ass, it'll be a cold day in hell before I say anything to the shift Captain about his conduct toward a 13 year punk that probably needed his butt torn up anyway. I told the kid I was the Chief and I'll fire the Captain when he gets back to the station. Kid told me "thank you" and hung up. I told the Captain about the call. He said he was gona ride back out there, but I never heard what happened.