LA_MERC_MadMAX
February 4th, 2005, 07:27 PM
To: Paul McCartney
From: The N.F.L.
Re: Super Bowl halftime show
THANK you for coming by this morning; my wife was very impressed to hear
that I got to meet a former Beatle, especially one who isn't Ringo. She
wanted me to ask if you remember her. She saw you at the Milwaukee Arena in
1964. She says she screamed "Paul!" throughout your show, and that you
looked over and winked at her. She was wearing a red hat. Anyway, if you do
remember her: She says hi.
Moving on. We've reviewed your set list and dance routine, and we have just
a few notes:
We like the simple shirt and slacks that you have chosen as your outfit.
However, to prevent even the slightest possibility of a "wardrobe
malfunction," we were wondering if you could maybe wear something extra over
your outfit? Or maybe under it? Like an extra pair of underpants over your
usual underpants? Or maybe a sweater, and a second pair of pants over your
original pair of pants? Nothing too noticeable - just a little insurance.
I'm sure you understand.
"Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da": Is there something you can say after "life goes on"
that's not "bra"? The word still makes us a little nervous around here.
Thanks.
"Blackbird": "Take these broken wings and learn to fly"? It's a lovely
image, Paul, but: Children are going to be watching this. No parent wants to
have to explain injured birds to their children, especially not on Super
Sunday. Can you sing around it so the bird's wings aren't broken? Maybe the
bird could take its "bucket o' wings" and learn to fly? KFC may pay for the
product placement. Just a thought.
"I Saw Her Standing There": "Well, she was just 17, you know what I mean"? I
am fairly certain that I do not know what you mean, but I do know that she'd
better be at least 18. Make that 21. Or 25. She was just 25. That works
fine.
Sorry to circle back to this, but we've been thinking more about your
outfit. Maybe you could wear both the extra underpants and the sweater and
extra pants? You know, just to be safe? Also: Some of us are a bit worried
about the hip motions while you're dancing. They seem a tad suggestive.
Could you maybe dance without moving your hips? Or your feet? You may, of
course, continue to use your arms.
"A Hard Day's Night": We're a bit concerned about the line about how, when
"I get home to you, I'll find the things that you do, will make me feel all
right." That is upsettingly vague, like the things that she does might be
rated, you know, more than PG. Maybe you could sub in something more
specific and G-rated, like: "But when I get home to you, I find the board
games we play will make me feel all right." It's the same general idea, I
think you'll find.
"A Day in the Life": "He blew his mind out in his car"? No, Paul. No, he
didn't.
"Get Back": So let's see: Our hero, Jojo, "left his home in Tucson, Arizona,
for some California grass," and our heroine, Loretta Martin, "thought she
was a woman, but she was another man." And here I thought Ringo was the
funny one! You really had us going for a minute there! (Um, if you weren't
joking: No.)
Just got back from a meeting with wardrobe, and they want me to ask: How
would you feel about a suit of armor? As I understand it, you've been
knighted, so you probably have one lying around, yes? If not, we can provide
one for you. Just ask!
Well, that's all we've got for now. If anything else comes to us, we'll let
you know. Can't wait for the big show! Rock 'n' roll!
From: The N.F.L.
Re: Super Bowl halftime show
THANK you for coming by this morning; my wife was very impressed to hear
that I got to meet a former Beatle, especially one who isn't Ringo. She
wanted me to ask if you remember her. She saw you at the Milwaukee Arena in
1964. She says she screamed "Paul!" throughout your show, and that you
looked over and winked at her. She was wearing a red hat. Anyway, if you do
remember her: She says hi.
Moving on. We've reviewed your set list and dance routine, and we have just
a few notes:
We like the simple shirt and slacks that you have chosen as your outfit.
However, to prevent even the slightest possibility of a "wardrobe
malfunction," we were wondering if you could maybe wear something extra over
your outfit? Or maybe under it? Like an extra pair of underpants over your
usual underpants? Or maybe a sweater, and a second pair of pants over your
original pair of pants? Nothing too noticeable - just a little insurance.
I'm sure you understand.
"Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da": Is there something you can say after "life goes on"
that's not "bra"? The word still makes us a little nervous around here.
Thanks.
"Blackbird": "Take these broken wings and learn to fly"? It's a lovely
image, Paul, but: Children are going to be watching this. No parent wants to
have to explain injured birds to their children, especially not on Super
Sunday. Can you sing around it so the bird's wings aren't broken? Maybe the
bird could take its "bucket o' wings" and learn to fly? KFC may pay for the
product placement. Just a thought.
"I Saw Her Standing There": "Well, she was just 17, you know what I mean"? I
am fairly certain that I do not know what you mean, but I do know that she'd
better be at least 18. Make that 21. Or 25. She was just 25. That works
fine.
Sorry to circle back to this, but we've been thinking more about your
outfit. Maybe you could wear both the extra underpants and the sweater and
extra pants? You know, just to be safe? Also: Some of us are a bit worried
about the hip motions while you're dancing. They seem a tad suggestive.
Could you maybe dance without moving your hips? Or your feet? You may, of
course, continue to use your arms.
"A Hard Day's Night": We're a bit concerned about the line about how, when
"I get home to you, I'll find the things that you do, will make me feel all
right." That is upsettingly vague, like the things that she does might be
rated, you know, more than PG. Maybe you could sub in something more
specific and G-rated, like: "But when I get home to you, I find the board
games we play will make me feel all right." It's the same general idea, I
think you'll find.
"A Day in the Life": "He blew his mind out in his car"? No, Paul. No, he
didn't.
"Get Back": So let's see: Our hero, Jojo, "left his home in Tucson, Arizona,
for some California grass," and our heroine, Loretta Martin, "thought she
was a woman, but she was another man." And here I thought Ringo was the
funny one! You really had us going for a minute there! (Um, if you weren't
joking: No.)
Just got back from a meeting with wardrobe, and they want me to ask: How
would you feel about a suit of armor? As I understand it, you've been
knighted, so you probably have one lying around, yes? If not, we can provide
one for you. Just ask!
Well, that's all we've got for now. If anything else comes to us, we'll let
you know. Can't wait for the big show! Rock 'n' roll!