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LA_MERC_Dragonlady[s]
September 28th, 2004, 07:34 AM
Redneck Love Poem (just hard to get better than this)

Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue
And I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Tore hair is like corn silk a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can.

You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud;
I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.
On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work, they all want to know,
What I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape, yo're there fer yore man,
To patch up life's troubles and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt,
You spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'.
Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank,
We go together like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses on that special day
From the cooler at Kroger. That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey, these won't do.
Cause yor'e too special, you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift, without taste nor odor,
More useful than diamonds......
IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!!

LA_MERC_Drifter
September 28th, 2004, 07:49 AM
lol

LA_MERC_LaTech
September 28th, 2004, 07:51 AM
So, DL...is this the poem that Dragon wooed you with?

LA_MERC_M@lACHi
September 28th, 2004, 07:54 AM
LOL!

LA_MERC_Dragonlady[s]
September 28th, 2004, 08:08 AM
So, DL...is this the poem that Dragon wooed you with?



LOL NO but his poem that he "wooed" me with is much worse then this one..LOL...

LA_MERC_LaTech
September 28th, 2004, 08:17 AM
HAHAHAH! I can imagine...

Silent_Killer
September 28th, 2004, 08:51 AM
lmao

LA_MERC_Shadow
September 28th, 2004, 10:22 AM
Sounds like a country song. LOL

PaRaNoiD
September 28th, 2004, 10:26 AM
*sniff*

reminds me of home...
wait- i mean- *puke*

LA_MERC_Sabre
September 28th, 2004, 11:26 AM
I didn't think Andy released his works yet!

SweetGirL
September 28th, 2004, 12:56 PM
LMAO!! That is sooo funny DL!!! What's even funnier, is that I understood every word in the poem! ROFL {I've been wanting a "boat" myself for the past couple of years.........this man knows how to win a woman over! lol Although the "boat" I want is a 50 to 80 foot Hatteras! Guess I'll have to wait til Pete kicks the bucket! lol - just kidding, honey....geeez haha -} [picture attached in case Santa wants to know *wink wink*]

LA_MERC_Dragonlady[s]
September 28th, 2004, 02:11 PM
Us Southern girls love romantic poems like these huh SG? LOL.... These are the kinda poems that comes from a mans heart!!! lol

SweetGirL
September 28th, 2004, 09:18 PM
Dragonlady']Us Southern girls love romantic poems like these huh SG? LOL.... These are the kinda poems that comes from a mans heart!!! lol

LOL Here's how to make a woman happy, DL:

The Point System (advice according to women) - In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Simple Duties:
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty (0)
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom (-2)
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
In the snow (+8)
But return with beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with a six iron (+10)
It's her pet (-10)

The Big Question: She asks, "Do I look fat?"
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted in all of the colors of your favorite sports team (-10)

A Night Out With the Boys:
Go with a pal (-5)
The pal is happily married (-4)
Or frighteningly single (-7)
And he drives a Mustang (-10)
With a personalized license plate that reads GR8 N BED (-15)

A Night Out:
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called DeathCop 9 (-3)
Which features cyborgs that eat humans (-9)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-800)

Communication: When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+100)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-20)

Social Engagements At a Party:
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy (-2)
Named Tiffany (-100)
Tiffany is a dancer (-600)
Tiffany has implants (-800)

LA_MERC_Drax
September 28th, 2004, 09:28 PM
A Night Out With the Boys:
Go with a pal (-5)
The pal is happily married (-4)
Or frighteningly single (-7)
And he drives a Mustang (-10)
With a personalized license plate that reads GR8 N BED (-15)


Social Engagements At a Party:
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy (-2)
Named Tiffany (-100)
Tiffany is a dancer (-600)
Tiffany has implants (-800)

Now these 2 i can comment on, what about if the guy takes a night out with me instead?? (shouldn't that be like +1,000,000 pts)

And COME ON, who can resist talkin to a college drinking buddy named tiffany thats a dancer AND has implants. Jeebus! :rolleyes:

Slayer
September 28th, 2004, 09:34 PM
Hehe...pretty good SG.

LA_MERC_Shadow
September 29th, 2004, 12:24 AM
What's the point system for buying her stuff?

Hey you have to find a way to recover after all the negatives.

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