I'm bored so....

[Seductive]

Kinda corny but i'm bored at work....


An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

[Suntrails]

Hahahaha! I'm going to have to try that one!

[LA_MERC_goose]

No Comment.

[LA_MERC_LaTech]

Classic....good one.

[SweetGirL]

Drax on his wedding day [should that day ever occur]...........

[Sergei Criffnoobsky]

LOL @ both (sweet and seductive.)

[LA_MERC_Drifter]

Sweetz that can't be Drax cause I don't see the pimp suit and hat on that groom! :H :mardigras :H

[SweetGirL]

Sweetz that can't be Drax cause I don't see the pimp suit and hat on that groom! :H :mardigras :H

hmmmm, very good eye there, Drifter. I also noted that the bride wasn't quite trampy and loose enough for the ole Draxster........not enough "stackage" either. *giggles*

Leroy = Drax????:
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"

[Uther]

That was pretty good.

[}{y|3ri|)]

lol damn drax, she picks on you too much lol.

[LA_MERC_LaTech]

I knew I had seen Drax's pic somewhere...

[LA_MERC_Drax]

LMFAO, you actually think i'd get married...hell, she'd have to be one heck of a cook, be hella fine, wait...scratch, i ain't get married, atleast til it looks like it could benefit me finacially. Wheres my sugar moma at??

[Seductive]

Them's fightin words boy! ;)

[}{y|3ri|)]

be careful drax.. several people ive known down south said they where never going to marry a preacher and live in a trailer.. guess where they are now..

[LA_MERC_goose]

Married to the Mailman, living in an apartment in 5th Street?

[eNdOfBeGinNinG]

Wheres my sugar moma at??
i've got mine!

~me loves my wife~

makesa hell of a good drink too emm emmm

[SweetGirL]

....hell, she'd have to be one heck of a cook, be hella fine, wait...scratch, i ain't get married, atleast til it looks like it could benefit me finacially. Wheres my sugar moma at??

......I'm already taken. :d:

[Swedish]

Wheres my sugar moma at??

if you find one, see if shes got a sister for me.

[LA_MERC_LaTech]

Two sisters...*ahem*

[LA_MERC_Drax]

Since when did run the mail order brides business???

[SweetGirL]

Since when did run the mail order brides business???

Well, Draxxy, it's been a couple of weeks since you wrote the above "sentence"..........they teach you anything about sentence structure at that farm school you go to?? *giggles*

I'm in a joke telling mood.

A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen, and there was a sign that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."

They walked a little farther and saw another pen with a sign that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked farther, and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife got really excited and said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."

The husband looked at her and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow."

The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable, and he should eventually make a full recovery.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
True bravery is arriving home stinking drunk after a very late night out with the boys, then being assaulted by your wife with a broom...And still having the guts to ask: "Are you cleaning, or were you flying somewhere?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
25 SIGNS THAT YOU'VE GROWN UP!

1. YOUR HOUSE PLANTS ARE ALIVE, AND YOU CAN'T SMOKE ANY OF THEM.
2. HAVING "RELATIONS" IN A TWIN BED IS OUT OF THE QUESTION.
3. 6:00 A.M. IS WHEN YOU GET UP, NOT WHEN YOU GO TO BED.
4. YOU KEEP MORE FOOD THAN BEER IN THE FRIDGE.
5. YOU HEAR YOUR FAVORITE SONG ON AN ELEVATOR.
6. YOU WATCH THE WEATHER CHANNEL.
7. YOUR FRIENDS MARRY AND DIVORCE, INSTEAD OF HOOK UP AND BREAKUP.
8. YOU GO FROM 130 DAYS OF VACATION TIME TO 14.
9. JEANS AND A SWEATER ARE NO LONGER QUALIFIED AS"DRESSED UP".
10. YOU'RE THE ONE CALLING THE POLICE BECAUSE THOSE DAMN KIDS NEXT DOOR WON'T TURN DOWN THE STEREO.
11. OLDER RELATIVES FEEL COMFORTABLE TELLING SEX JOKES AROUND YOU.
12. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME TACO BELL CLOSES ANYMORE.
13. YOUR CAR INSURANCE GOES DOWN AND YOU CAR PAYMENTS GO UP.
14. YOU FEED YOUR DOG SCIENCE DIET INSTEAD OF MCDONALDS LEFTOVERS.
15. SLEEPING ON THE COUCH MAKES YOUR BACK HURT.
16. YOU NO LONGER TAKE NAPS FROM NOON TO 6 P.M.
17. DINNER AND A MOVIE IS A WHOLE DATE INSTEAD OF THE BEGINNING OF ONE.
18. EATING A BASKET OF CHICKEN WINGS AT 3 A.M. WOULD SEVERELY UPSET, RATHER THAN SETTLE, YOUR STOMACH.
19. YOU GO TO THE DRUGSTORE FOR IBUPROPHEN AND ANTACIDS, RATHER THAN CONDOMS AND PREGNANCY TESTS.
20. A $4.00 BOTTLE OF WINE IS NO LONGER "GOOD STUFF".
21. YOU ACTUALLY EAT BREAKFAST FOOD AT BREAKFAST TIME.
22. "I JUST CAN'T DRINK THE WAY I USED TO", REPLACES "I'M NEVER GOING
TO DRINK THAT MUCH AGAIN".
23. 90% OF THE TIME YOU SPEND IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER IS FOR REAL WORK.
24. YOU DRINK AT HOME TO SAVE MONEY BEFORE GOING TO A BAR.
AND.....
25. YOU READ THIS ENTIRE LIST LOOKING DESPERATELY FOR JUST ONE SIGN THAT DOESN'T APPLY TO YOU AND YOU CAN'T FIND A SINGLE ONE TO SAVE YOUR SORRY OLD BUTT!!!

[LA_MERC_Dragonlady[s]]

LOL Cute!

[LA_MERC_Dirge]

1. YOUR HOUSE PLANTS ARE ALIVE, AND YOU CAN'T SMOKE ANY OF THEM.
3. 6:00 A.M. IS WHEN YOU GET UP, NOT WHEN YOU GO TO BED.
4. YOU KEEP MORE FOOD THAN BEER IN THE FRIDGE.
6. YOU WATCH THE WEATHER CHANNEL.
7. YOUR FRIENDS MARRY AND DIVORCE, INSTEAD OF HOOK UP AND BREAKUP.
8. YOU GO FROM 130 DAYS OF VACATION TIME TO 14.
9. JEANS AND A SWEATER ARE NO LONGER QUALIFIED AS"DRESSED UP".
11. OLDER RELATIVES FEEL COMFORTABLE TELLING SEX JOKES AROUND YOU.
12. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME TACO BELL CLOSES ANYMORE.
13. YOUR CAR INSURANCE GOES DOWN AND YOU CAR PAYMENTS GO UP.
14. YOU FEED YOUR DOG SCIENCE DIET INSTEAD OF MCDONALDS LEFTOVERS.
16. YOU NO LONGER TAKE NAPS FROM NOON TO 6 P.M.
17. DINNER AND A MOVIE IS A WHOLE DATE INSTEAD OF THE BEGINNING OF ONE.
19. YOU GO TO THE DRUGSTORE FOR IBUPROPHEN AND ANTACIDS, RATHER THAN CONDOMS AND PREGNANCY TESTS.
20. A $4.00 BOTTLE OF WINE IS NO LONGER "GOOD STUFF".
21. YOU ACTUALLY EAT BREAKFAST FOOD AT BREAKFAST TIME.
23. 90% OF THE TIME YOU SPEND IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER IS FOR REAL WORK.
24. YOU DRINK AT HOME TO SAVE MONEY BEFORE GOING TO A BAR.
AND.....


OMG HAX!!!! The above are absolutely true!