LA_MERC_Captain_Obvious
July 15th, 2004, 05:07 PM
Corporate Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower
when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one
should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps
herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there
stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll
give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on." After thinking for a
moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a
few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but excited
about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the
shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit
and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He
stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed
her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.. The priest had
a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily
slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said,
"Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized
profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his
hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember
Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is
weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful
glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed
to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a
puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll
give each of you just one. " "Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I
want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the
world." Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the
sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal
masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof!
He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The
manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the
crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below
the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit
and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the
top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well,
why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're
packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that
it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched
at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot
the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullsh** might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower
when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one
should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps
herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there
stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll
give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on." After thinking for a
moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a
few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but excited
about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the
shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit
and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He
stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed
her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.. The priest had
a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily
slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said,
"Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized
profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his
hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember
Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is
weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful
glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed
to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a
puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll
give each of you just one. " "Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I
want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the
world." Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the
sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal
masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof!
He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The
manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the
crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below
the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit
and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the
top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well,
why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're
packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that
it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched
at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot
the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullsh** might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.